Wednesday, July 27, 2011

What do you think?

It's never easy to lose someone but is it any easier to lose that loved one in the blink of an eye, when they pass away suddenly (eg. heart attack) but they do not suffer on going pain ... or is it better, even though they are ill (cancer), to be able to say your goodbyes, but know they will suffer in pain until they die?
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I lost my father 22 years ago when he had a second massive heart attack within 10 months. No time for goodbyes, he was just gone, in the night. We said our goodbyes in the morgue. I remember him lying there, in his pajamas, like he was just asleep. We all felt cheated that it was so sudden and we couldn't say our 'I love you's and goodbyes" but I have always been comforted to know he didn't suffer any pain and didn't have to endure medical intervention and hospitals (he hated hospitals).
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On the flip side, we have just lost a very good friend to bowel cancer. Gary battled with that bastard of a disease for about 2 years, having conventional and experimental chemotherapy along the way. Eventually, the chemo made his so weak that his body just couldn't rally, the cancer won and he passed away peacefully on Monday. We visited him on July 4th and we could see that he didn't have a lot of time left. His body had started to shut down and it was upsetting to see our big friend, so frail and looking scared and fed up. He told us he had had enough. A couple of blood transfusions rejuvenated him in later days but not for long. He eventually said no to further intervention. In his last days, he had his wife (supported by his ex wife, can you believe) to administer care and as much pain medication as he needed to keep him comfortable. His funeral will be held next Monday and Angus has been asked to speak about our mate 'Big Dudda'. It will be hard but also a privilege. Love ya, Big D!
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It was good to be able to see him and say goodbye but after seeing Dudda the way he was, I would always hope that I am taken suddenly and not allowed to suffer the way he and so many others do. Just saying.
~
Joolz

11 comments:

  1. A beautiful post. I'm sorry you lost your friend. Yes, quick sound best to me, too.

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  2. Oh Joolz I'm so sorry that your friend and everyone around him had to go through all of that. After seeing friends and relatives go though painful drawn-out illnesses, I definately choose quickly. There really is no easy way for those left behind, but for the suffering person, quick is better.

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  3. Such a heartfelt tribute to your friend.
    I lost my dad to a heart attack--it will be 20 years this coming Oct. 1. Still hard for me to believe he's gone. My inlaws lingered with long debilitating illnesses, and my own mother is now fading away from Alzheimer's Disease. I think most of us would prefer to go quickly and not to linger--perhaps there is a reason I just can't comprehend.
    Prayers going out to the bereaved.
    V

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  4. I am sorry for your loss. Quick is definitely better.

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  5. I am so sad for your loss of your dear friend. I think it was a good thing you were able to say your goodbyes. It is never easy. BTDT.

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  6. So sorry for your grief. Goodbyes are never easy no matter the method. I always just pray to learn the lessons I'm supposed to through the experience.

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  7. Either way it's not easy..thinking of you Joolz xo

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  8. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. The question of which is best - a sudden, unexpected death or a lengthy, painful illness - is one I have never been able to answer. This past April, a good friend of mine, age 71, died suddenly - within seconds, actually and I was devastated for weeks. On the other hand, I know of several people right now (both friends and a relative) who are dying a slow death and that isn't easy to deal with either.

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  9. Sorry to hear about the loss of your good mate. Both our grandparents went suddenly with heart attacks and I'm hoping that's the way our parents will go too. Even though it is more of a shock at least they don't have to endure any pain or loose their dignity.

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  10. I think it's very hard no matter how you loose someone special to you.
    i believe that when faced with the death of someone we become very selfish. but I don't mean that in a bad way. What I mean is that no matter what, we want that person to always stay no matter what they are going through.
    Hugs karen.

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